07 September 2008


Domestic Violence


What is domestic violence?
Domestic violence is the actual or threatened physical, sexual, psychological, financial or emotional abuse of a person by someone with whom they have, or have had, an intimate, family or emotional relationship. Domestic violence is rarely a one-off event and it tends to escalate in frequency and severity over time and is often used to maintain power and control over another person.

Domestic violence can affect anyone but it is generally acknowledged that it is predominantly women who experience domestic violence and almost always at the hands of their male partners or former partners.

Victims come from all walks of life. Social class, family income, level of education, occupation, gender and sexuality, ethnic and racial background makes no difference.

Domestic Violence can take many forms of physical, mental, emotional and sexual abuse and may include:

  • Being beaten: punching, slapping, pulling hair, choking, kicking.
  • Being attacked with weapons
  • Being locked in or out
  • Being denied access to money; or being forbidden to have a job, having to account for everything you spend.
  • Being prevented from seeing family and friends
  • Being threatened with physical and/or sexual abuse
  • Threats to children
  • Rape or degrading treatment
  • Harassment; being watched, followed, pestered, unwanted mail or phone calls etc.
  • Being told that you are a bad person, or that you are worthless, constantly being blamed for things
  • Being put down in front of people, constantly being criticised.
    All of these could be accompanied by other kinds of intimidation such as mental and verbal abuse, humiliation and deprivation.

The Facts

  • One in four women will experience some form of domestic abuse in a close, personal relationship during their lives
  • On average, a woman will be assaulted by a man she knows 35 times before reporting it to the police
  • In the UK, one woman is killed by her partner or ex-partner every three days as a result of domestic violence

Although chronically under reported, research estimates that domestic violence:

  • Accounts for 16% of all violent crime (source: Crime in England and Wales 2004/2005 report)
  • Has more repeat victims than any other crime
  • Costs in excess of £23bn a year
  • Victims are 15 times more likely to abuse alcohol, 9 times more likely to abuse drugs and 5 times more likely to attempt suicide

What can you do if it is happening to you?

  • Recognise it is happening to you - whilst you may try and justify your partner's actions and may disregard events as not being serious, violence usually gets worse over time.
  • Accept that you are not to blame - it can be easy to accept your partner's behaviour, but you must remember that you do not deserve to be the victim of such behaviour, least of all at the hands of someone close to you
  • Get help and support - tell someone you trust, a friend, neighbour, colleague or relation. There are many support agencies who can help you (Details below).


How can you support someone who is experiencing Domestic Violence?

  • Be understanding - give them time to talk
  • Be supportive - be a good listener and allow them to express their hurt
  • Let them make their own decisions
  • Give them information on the help which is available
  • Help them to work out safety plans
  • Offer to let them use your address and phone number for receiving information and messages
  • Look after yourself - do not put yourself in a dangerous position

How to get help
People experiencing domestic violence may find it difficult to seek help for a variety of reasons. Nevertheless, domestic violence is a crime, and help, support and advice can be sought.

If you are experiencing domestic violence and would like to seek help and advice, you can contact the following agencies and organisations who can give confidential support, information and advice:

In an emergency, always call the police by dialling 999

What services are available in the South Bucks area?

Local Support
South Bucks & Slough Drop In Centres  
(24-hour free phone number - calls from landlines will not appear on the telephone bill)
 0800 0852 654
Thames Valley Police (Ask for Domestic Violence Unit) 08458505 505
Wycombe Women's Aid (via The Samaritans)  01494 432000

East Berkshire Women's Aid  

01753 693472
Wycombe Rape Crisis 01494 462222
Kinara Refuge (support for Asian women)

01753 573330
RELATE - Relationship breakdown 01494 791180
National Support

National Domestic Violence Helpline (24-hour free phone number - calls from landlines will not appear on the telephone bill)

 0808 2000 247
Women's Aid National
(24-hour Domestic Violence Helpline)
 08457 023 468
Victim Support 0845 3030 900
The Samaritans

08457 90 90 90
Elder Abuse Hotline 0808 808 8141
Refuge 0808 2000 247

ManKind 

 0870 7944 124
Broken Rainbow (A referral service for lesbians, gay men, bisexuals and transgender people experiencing domestic violence)

07812 644 914

Useful Links

MYTHS

Domestic Violence only happens on council estates
There are no social barriers with domestic violence. Victims of domestic violence come from all social and economic backgrounds. However, statistics show that domestic violence is under reported amongst victims from a more affluent or professional background.

Domestic Violence is only perpetrated by strong men against weak women
Domestic violence can happen between any current or former intimate relationship where there is an imbalance of power, and/or where one wishes to exercise control over the other.

It's alcohol that makes men violent
Alcohol and drugs can be a contributing factor to domestic violence, but is not the cause of it. By blaming alcohol, the abuser is making an excuse for the actions and not taking responsibility; those caught drink driving are held accountable for their actions. Many who do not drink still abuse.

Abused women must have done something to deserve it
No one deserves to be abused, especially by someone they are, or have been, close to. Provocation of such violence can be merely in the form of not having dinner ready when requested. Those women who resist the violence often find that their injuries are more severe, however submission should not be seen to their consent to the violence.

Abusers were abused themselves
Whilst some abusers may come from an abusive background, there is no conclusive evidence to show that those who abuse were abused themselves, or that those who witness domestic violence go onto abuse in the future.

If children don't see the violence they're ok
It is important not to underestimate the impact of domestic violence on children. 90% of children are in the next room when the violence is going on. Even if they do not directly witness the violence, they can still be affected.